Is this story sounding familiar to you?
"As a kid, I was labeled an 'introvert' by my school friends. No need to say I hate that word! I was timid and I was anxious in the company of many friends. I behaved rather odd at formal functions, and I was rather unpopular at parties. This is the reason why for the first half of my life, I didn't hang out much at clubs...."
Is the reason you are reading this articles is that you are now an adult, and beside the fact that your age changed, the bottom line, with regarding to to your social anxiety is still the same?
Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired of your fear of public speaking? Are you planing to do something for changing your stage fear? Because if not, just hit the BACK button. Be warn, this article is not trivial to understand and requires more then one reading.
Still here? Good persistency is a virtue!
As you know each one of us has its own style and willingness to try different approaches for solving various problems. We will refer to overcoming the fear of public speaking, but I am sure that by the end of this article, you may find my words worth for other areas too.
Take action!
Reading more and more tips for reducing stress will certainly make you more knowledgeable, but will not bring you a long term solution. When dealing with unexplained fears and anxiety, collecting more and more knowledge, can help for calming the symptoms for the short term, but not to solve them.
What is required is to perform some internal "switch" in your mind, and this is usually available via guided activity, where someone with external perspective, and probably more experience - help you to "map" the problem, and untie those nexuses that block you from achieving a productive behavior.
What I mean by "mapping" a symptom, in this case the fear of public speaking, is to bring into awareness the ingredients that compose the symptom and the linking between those ingredients. Those links are the forces of gravity that shape your internal "space-time" - call it personality.
Mapping include the exposure of both: hidden preconditions and external expressions. You possibly know about your inner self few of the things you will reveal again during the process, or maybe you don't, the important fact is that you have difficulty to weave, those "internals" into the "legitimate public expression" of yours - what you call reality. You work hard to suppress some of the forces and that work finally act against you! instead of helping you to be more productive.
By external expressions on the other end I mean all those symptoms you encounter when your fear of public speaking is in action. In addition environmental conditions, and expressions of your body, such as mimic, pitch of your voice, and even that "black spot" somewhere you are making so much effort to hide, while standing in front of other people.
So mapping means exposing a network of relations between all the internal and external aspects of the behavior you put under investigation. Exploring the gravities of your internal cosmos - if you want to think of it more visually.
All those words may sound to you very psychological, but this process of mapping ingredients of our behavior, is not limited to the subject of public speaking anxiety. It happens daily in various events that involve some interaction with "other" person. This "other" or "others" are not necessarily present physically. Virtual "other" may act the same.
The image or idea, we hold of this "other" is what really important because it provide us with kind of "mirror" to echo and feed us back with our words thoughts and behavioral expressions. Now we actually reveal is where the importance of the "guide" (trainer, coacher, therapist).
Again, this is not necessarily someone who physically present with us in the same room! It is that fact that we did some step to construct an external point of view as part of our journey toward a solution.
Can you do it alone?
If you are acting to solve your speaking anxiety problem by your own (which is a good sign for itself since it signal a motivation and responsibility) you are echoed by your own introspective thoughts. It means you rarely produce the so required difference -the gap between two alternatives, external to each other.
For a difference to occur, some external "other" must exist. Else, you do not produce a change in your "position" toward your problem, which is the most crucial for making that switch.
To re-map the ingredients, that is the secret key. And it is very difficult to achieve alone, only by collecting information, without the presence of some external "other".
When you are guided by some "other", you can actually map your behavior and then when relationships between ingredients are expressed (not necessarily - consciously) doing the re-mapping become available, change gravity between those "bodies" that construct your mental life and that my friend means - a true change!
Your Goal - engage with some "other" for "working" toward a change
I will soon refer you to some programs you can check. Whether to purchase or not that is your own decision.
All I am saying for ending this article is that the act of "paying" for treatment, or training, or coaching (call it whatever you like) is highly significant in terms of making the crucial step for engaging with external "other".
The function of "willing to pay" for solution, is the function of deciding to take responsibility for a commitment to "work" on your problem by binding to external "other".
A little secret - if someone is a compulsive buyer "of solutions" for unexplained problem, then the act of "making the purchase" is part of the symptom, and can not be refer as engagement to work via some "other". On the contrary, we refer it as resistance to change.
Because of that there are smart therapist that when identify this, they do not let the patient pay for the first session. Instead they will ask him to think for the "next session" about a reasonable price. In that case, the fact that this patient come to the next session (and in some cases, set the "price") is the act that signify for engagement to work.
This is your goal! No matter what method you will finally choose:
Do the step for breaking your inner world (Your Wall - Pinky) by connecting with external "other" and not just external "information".
That is a huge Difference!
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